Unbreakable
by betterontheotherside
Summary: Unread letters that Clary's been writing, keeping track of Jace's recovery from being captured by Jonathan. He isn't getting any better, and Clary's almost lost all hope, but not all yet. Because she knows, if there's one thing that will keep Jace alive no matter what, it's love. Because he loves her and she loves him, and that is enough.
1. Lost and Found

**_Hi there, it's me again. Yes, I haven't been on for a while, and sorry about that. Here's a new fanfic to show my sorryness. :P_**

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_April 23_

_I went out with Jace and Isabelle today. It was nice, we went to the mall and Isabelle tried to sack him in the balls repeatedly after he called her fat. She isn't fat, she's got curves and everything. She looks good in everything too. Creepy. Anyway, I got Jace to get new jeans, since his old ones were wearing out completely. He kissed me when we got home and my mom caught us, and apparently I'm grounded for that. Whatever, kissing Jace was worth it._

_Gotta run,_

_~Clary._

_April 28_

_Jace is missing. I don't know where he went and why, but I'm afraid for him. Sebastian's out there, and if Jace runs into him… I know it won't be good. I don't know what I'm going to do, since everyone's telling me to back off and calm down. How am I supposed to calm down? The last time I saw him was a few days ago, when we went to the mall. I haven't seen him since. I know he's strong and I know he's going to be okay. Maybe he just needs a break from the Institute. Maybe a break from me?_

_Why would he need a break from me?_

_~Clary_

_May 2_

_We can't find him. Magnus has been trying to track him, and we can't find him anywhere. I thought maybe Jace would come back after a few days, but I guess he's gone. I miss him like crazy, and I've been crying in his room for the past few days without anyone noticing except for Alec, and he said he wouldn't tell. I hate crying. I hate it more than the fact that Jace might have left us for good. Why would he do that? Why would he leave me?_

_I thought he loved me._

_~Clary_

_May 25_

_Alec says he might know where Jace is. He says that Magnus was tracking, and he got something out of it. Izzy, Alec, Magnus, and a few other Shadowhunters are going out to the place where Magnus tracked and they're going to try to find him. I wasn't allowed to go. I screamed at them to let me go with them, but they said that I wasn't trained well enough. I know they just want me to stay because they think I'm going to drag them down._

_I'll always be just another mundane to them, won't I?_

_~Clary_

_May 28_

_Jace is back! They found him. They actually found him. Alec says that Jace was lying on the ground in a pool of his own blood, and he was shivering like he was in the North Pole with just boxers on. Jace woke up a few minutes ago, and he isn't talking or making eye contact. I'm scared, because he started sobbing into his pillow when Maryes mentioned Sebastian. I thought Jace was unbreakable._

_I guess I was wrong._

_~Clary_

_June 1_

_Jace is completely gone. He doesn't look at anyone, he doesn't respond, he doesn't even acknowledge my presence. Maryes says that Sebastian had Jace for the time he was missing, and that Jace had been tortured nonstop for one month. I'm going to hunt down Sebastian and kill him. He doesn't deserve to live. I think death is too good for him. I want to capture the bastard and torture him for a month, see how he likes it. Knowing him, he would probably like it. Why does this have to happen to us, Jace?_

_Why does this have to happen to me?_

_~Clary_

_June 14_

_We've been barely making progress. Everyone's given up, since Jace fights everyone until he passes out, but I'm not ready to give up. I know Jace remembers me. I really know he does. Today, I went into his room, and he was lying on his bed, staring at the wall with a blank expression. I sat down on the ground beside his bed, talking to him. Usually, he just stares right through me, like he can't see me. But when I was talking to him, he looked at me for a split second. Really looked at me. I know he did. Isabelle says I was imagining it, but I know I wasn't. Imagination just isn't affordable right now._

_I'm hoping for you, Jace._

_I'm hoping for us._

_~Clary_

_June 26_

_Jace didn't fight me today. I was spoon feeding him, because he won't eat anything. Whenever I try to give him something to eat or drink, he just shakes his head and shouts until I back off. But he didn't do that today. I got a few spoonful's of whatever into his mouth before he started shaking again, and I had to stop. But something else happened, too. Jace fell asleep when I was talking to him, and he started whimpering like he was facing his greatest fear. I shook him awake, and he started crying. He cried for hours, hiding inside his blankets. He has a high fever, and I know he feels cold but I can't give him blankets. I don't know what to do._

_My heart's shattering into a million little pieces._

_~Clary_

_June 28_

_I can't believe it. I'm crying tears right now because I'm so happy. Jace said something today. He said my name. I was sitting by his bed, talking silently to him, making sure he was okay, giving him some water to drink. In the midst of it, Jace's eyes closed and I thought he had fallen asleep. I got up to leave, but he mumbled something. I turned around to look at him, and he was staring at me with wide eyes, looking terrified. He said my name then. I just stared at him like the heaven's had opened. He said my name again, "Clary", and I went to him. I fell asleep beside him, holding my tears back. I know we can do this, Jace. I know I said it before, but I really believe it now._

_We'll get through this together, Jace._

_~Clary_

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**_Review :)_**


	2. Torment

**_Got a lot of reviews about this fic, so I decided that it will be continued. Thanks for the input!_**

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_July 8_

_Jace hasn't been getting any better. He wakes up screaming and sweating from nightmares every day for a whole week, but I hold him and I try to comfort him, because I know the Jace I know so well is still in there, screaming at me to help. Just last night, I woke up to him screaming, and Alec, Simon, and I had to hold him down, because he kept screaming and trying to throw hits at me. Eventually he calmed down and just lay there with tears streaming down his face and he was glaring straight at me, like he was wondering why I would do this to him, hold him down like this. I didn't even realize I was crying too until Isabelle came in and told me it was okay, that Jace would be fine, that I should go back to sleep. I didn't._

_I just lay there and helped Jace._

_I know he wants my help._

_~Clary_

_July 10_

_By the Angel. What have I become? Jace had a nightmare again, like last time, but Alec knocked him out. He just took a syringe and jabbed Jace in the arm, and he went out like a light. I started screaming at Alec, how dare he drug Jace, after what he's been through because of Sebastian. I felt like I was losing my sanity. I tried to punch Alec, I remember that, and then my vision went red after Alec told me to calm down. Then I remember Magnus storming in yelling for us to shut up because he was trying to sleep. And then Jace woke up, despite the drug, and I know he was watching us yell at each other, two against one. I felt so helpless. I felt the tears come, and I couldn't hold it back. I stormed out the room, knowing that any more noise would cause Jace to have a terrible headache. I left Alec frustrated with me and Magnus ready to murder me, and I realized I should stay with Jace and I knew he was scared, but I barely cared anymore._

_What am I going to do?_

_~Clary_

_July 15_

_Five days have gone by since Alec and I fought. I'm not sorry. He's sorry, but I don't care. Jace has gotten worse since that day. He's completely freaked out by the sight of Alec and I. I can't blame him. He's probably scared we're going to yell again, give him another migraine. I apologized to Jace over and over again, telling him how sorry I was, but he just curled up under the sheets and ignored me. Isabelle said he was acting like Church, and I almost slapped her. How could she make jokes like that? I'm frustrated and angry, but no one notices._

_I hate everyone._

_~Clary_

_July 21_

_Jace let me near him today. He isn't scared of me anymore. I feel like I'm talking about a wild animal, if I go near him, he'll back away and run. I guess it's sort of like that, but it doesn't matter to me. I'm going to help Jace heal, and I'm going to do it, even if Maryes and Isabelle and everyone else are doubting me. I even got Jace to eat something today. He didn't even put up a big fight. I put the spoon up to his lips and he opened his mouth. He chewed, swallowed, looked at me the whole time. I was so happy I gave him a peck on the cheek. I told him that we were making progress. I made a promise to him that we'd get him through this before the year ended._

_I intend to keep that promise._

_~Clary_

_July 26_

_The month is almost over. It's been about two months since we brought Jace home. He's still terrified of Sebastian, because if we bring up the name Sebastian, Jace starts shaking uncontrollably and he starts to cry. Today, Isabelle was in Jace's room with me and she brought out her whip, and Jace flinched so bad I thought he was having a spasm. He started shivering and crying, and I tried to calm him, but he just sobbed harder. It took a few hours, but eventually he fell asleep. Sebastian whipped Jace when he had him captive, didn't he? I know he did. I'm seeing red, because I'm so angry._

_The son of a bitch._

_~Clary_

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_**Leave a comment :)**_


	3. Heal

**_I'm sorry the recent chapter was so short, and this one as well. I'm stuck on writer's block. I'd like to throw bricks at writers block, but that's literally like fighting fire with fire. _**

**_Not helpful. _**

**_Ugh._**

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_Magnus and Clary are fighting again._

_Yes, I mean again. They were giving me a migraine. I'm trying to talk, trying to tell them to shut the hell up, but my throat's clogged up and I'm choking. Clary had come over to me, told me it was okay. That I'd be fine. But even I know I'm not fine. I've been crying myself to sleep the last few weeks, and I feel weak. No one but Clary and Alec and Isabelle have showed that they care at all. Maryes hasn't even said anything to me. I wonder how long it's been since Sebastian took me. I wonder if I still have the scars. I wonder if Clary's seen the scars. But she isn't here right now. She's at Simon's. What if Sebastian comes back? What if he hurts me?_

_I'm scared. I want my Clary._

_-Jace_

_I can still feel the bruises._

_It still hurts. I can still feel Sebastian standing over me with a knife, threatening me. I can still feel his boot colliding with my ribcage. I can still hear myself scream. I can still hear myself begging him to stop. He had said, "There are worse things than death, Herondale." I hadn't cared. But I know I should have. He was kicking me, punching me. I've been beat up before. But not every day for what—two months?- He had laughed every time I tried to get up. He had laughed every time I talked back at him. Every time I didn't respond to his question, he'd do something to me. I remember him harshly drawing a rune on my arm, making me feel like my insides were being torn out. I had screamed so loud, writhing on the floor trying to get away. Why was he doing this? Yeah, I killed him, but he came back to life. He ought to be grateful. Not everyone gets to be like Jesus and raise from the dead._

_And yet it still hurts._

_-Jace_

_August 4_

_I went to check on Jace today. He seems to be coming back. He makes small sounds, and it's like he's telling me, 'yes, I'm alive. But No, I'm not okay.' When I went to check on him today, Church followed me in. The stupid fat cat. Jace looked at me, as if he were shocked to see me. I can't blame him; I've been at Simon's the past week, because I just couldn't take Jace anymore. Simon was my escape now. Anyway, Jace was staring at me, and then Church. Jace scowled. He scowled. I know that's not a good thing, but he hasn't been showing any emotion for the past two months, and now he scowls. At a cat._

_Only Jace scowls at a cat._

_My Jace._

_~Clary_

_August 10_

_Jace has been processing what I say. He's been trying, I can tell. When I say something to him, he tries to understand. I know he does. It's slow, and sometimes it takes half an hour for him to answer, but he tries. I asked him if he wanted something to eat today; a few minutes later he shook his head no. I've tried to spend more time around him, but he probably hates me. Anyway, I'm not afraid anymore. I guess Clary's been making progress. I want to tell Jace that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not doing anything when he needed me._

_I'm sorry._

_~Isabelle_

_August 15_

_So Isabelle told me to go see Jace today. I can't say I didn't want to. Another episode of 'Housewives of New Jersey' is going to kill me. And Magnus keeps trying to get me high! Anyway… I went to see Jace today. He was looking bored out of his mind, even though he's not… better yet. He saw me go into his room, and he just ignored me. I guess that's what I get for pretending he didn't exist ever since we found him. I'm sorry. I really am. Will he forgive me? I really hope he does._

_After all, he's my _parabatai.

_-Alec_

_August 18_

_I came back to the Institute today after visiting Simon. I went to see Jace, and he smiled when I went to his room. Isabelle says she and Alec have been keeping an eye on him, and Jace seemed to be annoyed by that. But anyway, he's been getting better. I got him to sit up, and he didn't protest. He looks pale, though. I want him to go outside for a bit, but he won't listen. I just ended up opening all the windows in his room and letting in as much air as possible. Jace seemed pretty amused by the sight of me running around in my pajamas opening all the windows in his room. Jerk. But I'm laughing as I write this. Jace is healing. He's much better._

_My hopes are getting higher._

_~Clary_

_August 20 , 9:30 pm_

_I haven't checked on Jace since Magnus and Alec brought him home. I don't know why, maybe it's because the Jace I knew was always so strong, and never let anything get to him, and now… I'm devasted by the sight of how broken he is. My son. My blond haired, self-centered, teenage son has been broken._

_Broken._

_I swear, by the Angel,_

_That I, Maryes Lightwood, will do anything possible to kill Sebastian._

_August 20 , 10:00 pm_

_Well, well. I see that Jace is doing well. Can't have that, can we? I think I'll pay them a little visit soon. Hmm…_

_Very, very, soon._

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**_Review and I'll post soon :)_**


	4. The Return

_**this chapter is a little different.**_

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_Seems like Jace's fever has gone down a bit, Sebastian thought. He had been watching Jace this whole time, watching Clary fuss over him, trying to help him. It had been so amusing, but now Clary's hopes were up, and Sebastian couldn't have Jace getting better so soon._

Maybe that's why he was standing there, at the foot of Jace's bed, holding a dagger. The blond was sitting up, staring at Sebastian like he was the devil.

"what are you doing here?" Jace demanded, voice shaking.

_He truly is scared._ Sebastian mused. "what do you think?"

"get out of here." Jace forced out, "go away."

Chuckling, the blonde twirled the dagger between his fingers. "Why should I? Little brother, we haven't seen each other in _ages." _He smiled, as if the thought of what had happened the last time he saw Jace pleased him. "aren't you _glad _to see me?"

"No."

"Well that's rude." Sebastian said, "I do wonder why Clary date someone who is as discourteous as you."

Jace was taking deep breaths, calming himself maybe? Sebastian wasn't sure. "S-stop it. Don't. Please don't."

Sebastian leered at the younger boy. He was gripping the hilt of the dagger now, ready to strike. "Sorry, Jacey darling." He smirked, "maybe I'll show mercy next time."

With that, he drove the blade toward Jace's chest.

A scream rose up to his chest, but it never came out. Sebastian's hand was clamped over Jace's mouth, forcing the metal into flesh, piercing through bone. Tears running down his face, silent screams coming out of nowhere, nothing but pain.

_I'm going to die._

_I'm going to die._

_He's going to kill me._

_He's going to kill me._

_He's going to kill—_

And then Sebastian was gone, the weapon abandoned on the bed Jace was writhing on, his own blood a pool around himself. Golden eyes blinked in frustration, trying to keep open, desperately calling out for that one person.

_Clary._

But nothing came out. Jace was sobbing now, curling into himself, trying not to vomit or move, in fear of the agonizing pain it might bring him. Tears slid down his pale face, and his only thought was,

_I need Clary. Where is she?_

_Help, please._

_Please…_

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_**The only reason why this chapter is horrendously short is because I'm going to post the next chapter like a minute after I post this.**_


	5. Help

_August 24_

_I don't know. I really don't. I thought Jace was finally going to be okay. I thought he was going to be back on his feet and walking and laughing and being an annoying ass again. But he isn't. Just yesterday he was lying in bed, and I left for just a little bit. When I came back… I saw him, you know. He was there. Lying in a pool of blood. I thought he was gone. I don't know what to do, I'm so afraid. That bastard Sebastian found him. He found us, and he attacked Jace. I swear on the Angel that when I find Sebastian, I'm going to kill him. No mercy. Only death. He can't do this to us. No. I won't let him leave us like this._

_I'm going to stop writing now._

_This letter has too many tear stains on it._

_-Clary_

_August 28_

_Why is this happening?_

_WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?!_

_I'VE LOST IT. I've lost it, haven't I? I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I wish Jace would just _do _something. I wish he'd just react. I yelled at him today. I just got so frustrated. I was talking to him, and I was trying to get him to react to a memory. I was telling him how I felt the first time we kissed. I still remember. After all this time, I do still remember. It's been so long since that day. That one day that changed my life forever. I think change can be good though, you know? Some change is nice. Like the change that should happen now is Jace's healing._

_I just wish that this change would happen sooner._

_-Clary_

_September 4_

_So basically I've broken up with Magnus, had to hunt with Isabelle and taste her cooking for a week, and I've been parabatai-less for about a year now. My life sucks. Just putting that out there. I hate everything. What am I supposed to do? Hunting isn't the same without a condescending jerk daring you to get yourself killed. It's just more boring. I miss Jace a lot, and I don't mean that kind of miss like, oh Jace, I love you! No. It's that kind of yearning you have for a really close friend when you haven't seen them all summer, you know? I wish you understood. But with Magnus— I loved him. I made a mistake. A stupid mistake that I should have never done. I'm so stupid. This isn't fair._

_But then again, life is never fair. I'll try to get on with my life._

_I won't tell anyone about my cutting._

_I'll hide it._

_-Alec_

_September 16_

_I tried to get Jace to talk to me today. I tried so hard. I stroked his hair, fed him whatever. Nothing worked. But on the bright side, he reacts to me now. When he sees me, he really sees me. Like, he smiles a little. I don't want to think he's getting better though, because that last time I said he was better, and that ended up with Magnus healing a broken ribcage and me cleaning blood off a mattress and sheets. Anyway, on a different subject, I'm starting to get really moody. It's like I'm going bipolar. Also, I've been noticing that Alec stopped talking. He isn't really eating much either. I never really liked him, but I hope he's okay. I don't want him to turn into a broken mess like Jace has. A broken mess. It sounds so crude, but it's the truth. Jace is a broken mess, and maybe he won't ever be repaired._

_I hope that doesn't happen_

_-Clary_

_September 20_

_Clary's been really upset the past few days, and I guess I know why. I look at her and I think, 'that's pathetic. She cares so much about someone who might not even make it.' But I guess that's what true love is. When you love someone, you do anything for them, and you'd burn down a world for them, thinking that it was good, because when you love someone you're brain just blocks out everything that's wrong about them and sort of just directs you to that place where you just know. You just know that you want them to be happy, and those thoughts make you do stupid things. It's that danger that your parents warned you about as a kid. It just engulfs you in something that you can't explain._

_Why am I talking about this?_

_Because I have nothing else to talk about. Because Simon and I aren't in love. Because Alec isn't in love anymore, and I know he's going into depression. Because of every single thing that has happened so far in this past year, and it's just too fucking much. I can't take it anymore. I can't take not having a brother anymore. This isn't what's supposed to happen._

_I don't want to live like this._

_-Isabelle_

_I think it's June, or maybe it's September. Or October. I don't know._

_I've been trying to do something with my nerve system. Make it do something like FUCKING REACT TO CLARY BECAUSE SHE IS TALKING TO ME, but NOTHING IS HAPPENNING. I'm just frustrated. I ended up crying into her shoulder yesterday because I broke again. I don't want her to see me like this, so weak and almost dead. This isn't me. I don't want to be like this. I want to et better._

_I'm trying to get better._

_-Jace_

_September 22_

_I spent the entire day with Jace today. I just sat next to him, watched him sleep. He's peaceful when he's asleep. That's good, because he's hardly ever okay when he's awake. He just thrashes around and screams until he can't, or he just lies there. I can't bear the thought of losing him. I love him. I love him more than he knows._

_We need a miracle._

_A big one._

_-Clary_

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**_So yeah, I finally decided to update, because of Katey, thanks. Writer's block has gone away. The next chapter will be at least have 1k words._**

**_-Review-_**


	6. Hate

**_Did you know that John Green is brilliant? And that is why you *may* spot a few lines in here from his books. Hehe. :)_**

_October 5_

_Why?_

_-Alec_

_October 10_

_So Jace has been getting better. He woke up this morning clawing at his throat, and I gave him water, and he sort of nodded a thanks. Magnus has quite trying to help, because he and Alec broke up or something, I don't know, Magnus said something about 'ending someone's life isn't as innocent as you think' or something. Don't I know that. The way I see it, people end lives without knowing how amazing life can be. Life can either be crappy or amazing, and it's all in your own hands. It's all your own story, and how you control it, it will be._

_Knowing this made life a little better._

_I'm really determined to keep Jace alive. I'm going to help Clary._

_-Isabelle_

_October 20_

_I think Isabelle's finally realizing that I appreciate help. She came over to Luke's the other day, asking to see me. She told me that Jace meant as much to her as he did to me, and I asked her why she hadn't thought of that earlier. She just told me she had been an 'ignorant bitch'. I think this has something to do with Simon. She probably broke up with him or something, and is trying to get on my good side so I don't kill her._

_Great._

_Now I've made myself worry even more. I'm going to call Simon now._

_-Clary_

October 25

On a scale of one to ten, my hatred to Jace is twelve. But really, a year has passed, and I have to say, he isn't recovering, and even I'm starting to worry. Clary's worrying her little head off, and I'm sitting here thinking of a name for the band. I feel sort of useless. So, of course, I asked Isabelle if I could help. She told me to find Magnus and clear up whatever had happened between him and Alec.

Why did I ever ask to help?

-unfortunately, Simon.

_October 30_

_I spent another day with Jace today. Mom and I sorted out a schedule, kind of. I go to the institute every other day to see and help Jace, and Isabelle helps him on days that I don't visit. That way he's always looked after and fine. I'm scared, you know. Really scared that he might just not make it. But he's strong. Jace is strong. But he's just a person. Like you and me, he's a being that breaths and feels and has life. What a treacherous thing, to believe that a person is more than a person. Even a Shadowhunter, really. He's just a person._

_And sometimes, people just aren't strong enough._

_-Clary_

_November 4_

_It was Halloween a few days ago. Everyone went out, except Clary and Isabelle. Izzy handed out candy and Clary cried over Jace. They all care so much about something. Izzy cared about the amount of candy. It's obvious to what Clary cares about. I don't know why. But anyway, no one noticed me, so I went to the bathroom. I did cut myself. Blood is lovely, in a sort of scary way. I didn't kill myself. I'm not going to do that. I'm just letting out anger._

_Letting out anger on myself, because there's no one else around._

_-Alec_

_**Leave a review, dearies. **_

_**Oh, and terribly sorry about my account confusion. Here is a solid answer; yes, I'm taking this account back.**_


	7. Alexander Gideon Lightwood

_November 10_

_Jace has been getting better, somewhat. It seems like it, at least. He reacts now. He smiles and frowns and smirks and doesn't stop reacting. He's becoming more human. I mean, it's not as if I didn't think he was human before. Quite obviously I stated in my other note that I do believe he is only human. But now he's acting like one, you know? He's becoming more _Jace.

_Jace is coming back. _

_I know it._

_-Clary_

_November 15_

_I don't know why I did it I don't know I don't know I don't know. I. Don't. Know. I don't know why nobody cares about me and I don't know why I hate myself so much and I don't know why my parents won't accept me and I don't know what it feels like to be happy anymore. I want to die. I want to leave and never come back, or go to sleep and never wake up, or escape into an alternate universe. But I can't. So I've decided to leave this house and never return. My family can continue without me; Jace might as well be dead, and Max is actually fucking _dead _and Isabelle is strong. She'll be alright. She doesn't notice me much at home, and she has Simon to help her with things any way, right? Anyhow, it won't make a difference when I'm gone. I have a plan. I'm a legal adult, you know. Well, in Shadowhunter terms at least. I can stay over at Luke's for a while; he's nice to me. And, maybe after that I'll go to Alicante. I'll stay in Idris, maybe? I don't know. I'll see what happens and I'll start from there. _

_I don't know anymore. I don't know what's happening to me. I wish I could start over. _

_I wish I could just not do anything, actually._

_Is it too much to ask for a break?_

_-Alec_

So I went to Magnus's—

Wait, I should put the date, right. Um, I think it's like the 20th or something, 21, 22 or something? I don't know.

So anyway, as I was saying, I went over to Magnus's because Isabelle asked me to, and I found out some... stuff. I asked Magnus to help with Jace, but obviously he said no. He said—I quote— 'I'm tired of being your pet warlock. Stop asking me to do things for you.'

Then he made me leave the apartment and told me to never go back to him again. So basically he's got an immense amount of hatred built up towards Alec, and he doesn't want anything to do with the Shadowhunters or this issue ever again.

There goes our most helpful resource.

-Simon

_December 2_

_I think I'm imagining things. I can't fucking believe this! He said my name. He said it. He said hi. He focused on me and, yeah, he told me to fuck off, but he talked to me. He made a connection and he was thinking. If he could say my name, he realized it was me. If he told me to fuck off, he noticed that I wasn't Clary. And if he told me to fuck off, that means that tiny brain in Jace Lightwood's head was turning. He was trying to form a sarcastic remark._

_Jace is back. _

_He's a bit slow, but I know he's back._

_Also, I haven't heard from Alec for a long time. I think I'll call him later. I've been meaning to call him for so long, but I keep forgetting. I hope Alec is okay. He's my brother. Nobody means more to me than him. _

_Except Simon._

_-Isabelle_

_December 8_

_Isabelle wasn't screwing with me when she said Jace was back. I think it's true. Today when I came into his room, he smiled at me. He reached his hand up and took mine. Cheesy, I know. _

_I almost bawled._

_-Clary_

_Xxx_

_Xx_

_x_

_December 9 3am_

He woke up screaming.

Nightmares.

Jace.

Death.

Pain.

Oh god, the pain.

It was unbearable, starting in Alec's chest and spreading through him like wildfire. He ran to the bathroom, vomiting everything he ate in the past week, it seemed, into the toilet. He was shuddering, hugging himself and trying to ignore the excruciating pain in his abdomen and shoulder. A moment later, Luke threw open the door, kneeling down beside the boy.

"Angel, Alec, I thought you were being murdered—" he was muttering, "what happened?"

Alec shook his head. "Like _I _know."

And then Clary came in, bursting into the bathroom in a swirl of red. Maybe it was her nightgown, Alec thought absentmindedly, or maybe he was just seeing red. "Clary, go back to bed." Luke replied, not harshly but forceful enough.

Alec's hands had begun to shake. The pain hadn't gotten any better, and any noise was beginning to give him a headache. "Shut up." He muttered. "Shut up, shut up, shut up."

Luke was rubbing his back, telling Alec, _It's okay, you're going to be okay. _

_By the angel, what's happening? _

Alec clawed at his throat, suddenly dry and hurting. It was as if somebody had ran it through with a knife a thousand times, then sprayed salt all over the wounds. He felt weak. He wasn't usually like this; he'd had worse before. But it wasn't the physical pain, it was the _emotional _pain. It was as if his heart was being torn, as if his mind was being invaded by a black darkness that wouldn't let him be. It was like a hand was closing around him, tightening the grip until Alec couldn't breathe, couldn't do anything but hope for a breath that would never come. As if depression itself had swallowed him up.

X

Alec was hyperventilating, shivering and whispering something that Clary couldn't decipher. Luke had left her to take over Alec, stating that he was going to find some Advil, and now she was sitting on the cold bathroom floor with black haired boy.

"Alec, can you hear me?" She whispered, "talk to me, Alec."

He did not reply. Any sign of Alec still being humanely conscious had disappeared. He was still mumbling in that broken language of his, hugging himself and burying his face between his knees.

It was then when Clary noticed the bleeding.

It wasn't much, only a little blood, coming from Alec's shoulder, soaking through the black fabric of his shirt. Laying a gentle hand on Alec, cringing when he flinched away, she moved his shirt collar aside.

Clary wasn't surprised when she saw the rune. She had known it was there, because she had drawn an _iratze _there before, seeing this rune as she helped Alec recover.

But when Clary had seen it last, it hadn't been in this condition, no, it hadn't been bleeding, slowly fading away from black to silver to grey. It was jagged looking, as if it didn't belong on skin. Like a dead weight on water, it was sinking. It was shining, too, as if there were a light hidden inside a dark abyss and as the rune vanished, the light was released.

It was beautiful, in an ugly way. Beautiful, because of the light it produced and the way it had left a soft scar on Alec's skin, and had also taken away the sickness Alec had felt, Clary noticed as he stopped mumbling and slowly lifted his head. But it was ugly, because it had caused more darkness than light. Ugly because it had left behind something more than a mere scar. Ugly because it left Clary one thing to think about.

_Till death part thee and me. _

The rune was the parabatai rune, and it had died out.

Which meant Jace had, too.

_**Awesome, I finally updated. Yay. Review and tell me what you think. Thoughts on Jace, Alec, Isabelle, Simon, Clary, etc. Anything works. Or you can send me hate over what just happened that's fine as well. **_

_**Anywho, review! :)**_


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